The biggest relationship misconceptions and mistakes

When starting a relationship for the first time, most people don’t have much knowledge about handling it in the right way. There are common misconceptions and mistakes in relationships that will result in a toxic relationship or a painful breakup. With just a few investments in reading and learning about how relationships and love work, you can avoid most of these mistakes. This will make your life much easier, and your relationship will work in a healthy and lasting way.

1. Problem: “The partner needs to make you happy.”

Some people treat a relationship as a means to being happy. Contentment isn’t unfair—we all want satisfying lives. The world is not easy; it can be full of problems and mischief. It is challenging and does not always provide the happiness we need. So starting a relationship during those unhappy times can change your life for good. It’s not just you anymore; it’s two people. Thus, we embark on a joyful journey during the initial phase of a relationship. This can take months, or possibly even a full year, before the effects begin to diminish. If your relationship makes you happy, it is not a problem.

However, adverse times can strike; the honeymoon phase has essentially ended, and the feelings of excitement significantly diminish. You become unhappy. During this period, we often find ourselves judging our partner. “Why am I not happy? You have the responsibility to bring me joy.” We expect happiness from them, even if they fail to deliver it. But things can never work that way.

You can’t expect your partner to give you a meaningful, fulfilled life. Never let a relationship serve as the cornerstone of your life, as its absence will lead to its collapse. Besides that, expecting what you can’t do yourself is unfair to your partner.

Instead of wanting them to make you happy, work together on improving each other’s lives. If you are single, you can work on that alone right now. For a fulfilled life, you need hobbies, friends, and a goal to achieve. Ask yourself what you want in life and work toward it.   Connect with people and try to befriend them. Try new things to develop some beneficial habits that will make you happy.

Putting effort into that will make your life happy even without a relationship. Your partner makes you happier, but you have a backing if you break up.

2. Problem: Too much obsession with the partner

Our behaviors don’t always align when we’re dating. One person invests considerably in the other, while the other invests little. I am referring to a particular person’s obsession, a phenomenon that typically occurs in relationships and often begins in the early stages of dating.

It is a form of blind love, where we see the other person as the perfect being. While they may seem like the perfect partner, they are not. We’re turning a blind eye to their flaws. Besides that, we want everything from them; sometimes our lives revolve around them.

All this can stem from various mental issues in your life. Can certain factors such as loneliness, depression, or simple neediness lead to an obsession with your partner? It doesn’t have to work, especially if you’re dependent on your partner for life. As we do everything for them, our obsession will grow. I will talk later about how to avoid it or come out of it.

This obsession makes you vulnerable because you are ready to do everything for them. You don’t see their imperfections, even if those are manipulation techniques, like gaslighting or anything else. This vulnerability allows people to inflict significant harm on you without your awareness. You will do what they want, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Of course, in the best case, your partner won’t use any manipulation techniques and will treat you well. The relationship will still develop a time-and-energy imbalance. A big difference in energy and investments could drive your partner away from you. They might see you as “annoying.” Issues arising from a partner’s obsession can harm your relationship and, in most cases, turn it toxic.

When I had my first girlfriend, I was genuinely thrilled to have one. It came as a surprise to me, and I never would have imagined that I could even have one. Therefore, I accepted her for who she is; I adored her and eventually began to love her blind. The relationship started well but became happy when my ex became more unhappy with me. She didn’t love me; she loved the idea of what I could become. On the other hand, I still loved her blindly, without seeing anything negative about her. Even when she manipulated me and tried to change me into someone I was not, I did not notice anything about her behavior.

When you develop an obsession with a person, you need to modify your behavior. At first, you need to find out exactly what the root cause is.  Are you experiencing life’s unhappiness, and does your partner serve as your sole source of happiness? Could that obsession come from any other experience? Invest yourself, think about your behavior, and find out what actually causes it. Only then can you change yourself and start a fulfilling relationship.

3. Problem: Not communicating

Another very common issue that breaks partners apart is the lack of important communication. Whether you don’t talk about wishes you have, problems your partner has, or anything else, these missing communications with your partner will result in long-term problems that can destroy the whole relationship.

First, there are always desires you hope to fulfill, actions you’d like to take, or improvements you’d like to see in your relationship. However, there are times when people prefer to avoid conflict and are afraid to express their desires. Particularly, sexual desires often remain unfulfilled due to a lack of communication. Instead of expressing our desires, we often hesitate to do so out of fear of what our partner might think. However, are these thoughts not also an integral part of who we are? Shouldn’t the partner love you like you are? To show yourself, don’t be afraid to express your wishes.

Secondly, problems can arise in your relationship, ranging from minor issues such as “not bringing the trash out” to more significant issues like your partner’s addiction. You need to talk about it. Problems will never resolve themselves alone. You need to communicate about them; the earlier, the better.

If you always communicate honestly and respectfully, this will help you get a healthy relationship. Even if you don’t share the same opinion, you can quickly solve problems and find solutions that will make both of you happy.