The 3 biggest dating mistakes you should avoid

Before beginning a relationship, you should always avoid certain mistakes that could hurt you and/or the relationship.

1. Being too obsessed with the other person

This is one of the biggest mistakes that especially guys do. Even I did it in the past a lot.

When dating, you might find a person super interesting. Sometimes it is not even logical; this just happens. You see that person in a kind of romantic bubble, where you might not care about any of their mistakes. This can happen to you over and over with every person you date. And every damn time you date this person, you get obsessed with them until they leave you. It will constantly hurt you, for everyone you date. This could result in dating being extremely painful for you.

In my early dating times, after my second breakup, I met a girl on a dating app. In my view, we were like the perfect couple, although I did not know her even that much. We had some things in common, but that’s it. After some texting, we went on a 2-hour walk in a park, the easiest but best first date. It literally cost me 0€ instead of the expensive restaurant date. On the date, we talked a lot, and for me, we bonded. I was completely into her; I wanted more. But after the date, she went quiet. I texted her over and over. She only replied a few times with a bit of text, and in the end she wanted to friendzone me. It was not her fault; we really did not fit together. But my lonely ass did want a cute girlfriend and thought it would make me complete. The entire experience was extremely painful. But it is not an experience you have to go through in the future, if you stop beeing obsessed about other people.

When dating, an obsession can result in several mistakes. You open up earlier before the other person; this will make their experience more stressful and annoying instead of lovely. In most cases, the other person will slowly drift away. The energy of both people is unbalanced; one gives a lot of warm energy while the other responds with cold energy. But to form a serious relationship, both need to have a warm energy towards them. Beside that, people tend to forget their own lives over the person that they are obsessed with. This means their own life becomes more about the other person, which makes their own happiness dependent on them. But happiness should come from your own life, your hobbies, goals, and activities you do normally. A relationship is just the top of the iceberg.

So instead of obsessing over the person, concentrate mainly on your hobbies, tasks, and goals. Spend time with your date when possible to get to know them, but respect your own space and time. If that person is not replying, do not double-text. Focus on your life until the person responds and answers, then you really have time. This way you protect yourself from being obsessed with other people.

2. Charisma skills you need to use

While going on a date or just chatting with the potential future partner, people make mistakes that ultimatively are not intended to be bad but drift people away. We can’t lie—probably all of us like people that show great charisma, that knows how to talk with us to make us feel great. And then, on the other hand, we meet people that make us feel different emotions, but not the ones that are great and important for a relationship. This could be boredom,annoyment, or other emotions that your date should not feel. So these are small things you can change for your first dates!

While chatting, whether it be on a date or on the Internet, do not just talk about yourself. Sometimes we meet people that are very talkative, and the date will feel exciting for them. But the date goes over, and we only talked about them. No one likes listening to people who always talk about themselves. This will look careless and egoistic; people can see this as arrogant. Instead of talking about yourself, ask questions. Try to seem currious and interested in them; this is what most people like. And most likely they will do the same, and then you can talk a bit about yourself, but not too much.

Other than that, don’t talk with them like you talk with your friends. You wanna be friendzoned? I am sure you don’t. It should just not be an ordinary chat, talking about each other. This might be important to get to know them, but it’s missing the thrill. Instead of just chatting like a friend, try to implement your romantic interest. Show your affection towards them and that you see more in them as a friend. This means you should use techniques of flirting that will give the date a little extra. Complicates are a good way to do this, but alone it still won’t help. You need to flirt and tease. For myself, I prefer to use more teasing than flirting.

The trick is to have fun with them, not make fun of them. It is nothing you plan; it’s something you do sponanous while talking. Let’s say the person told you something about themselves that lacks information or looks unclear, then you tease her/him about it in a way that’s obviously untrue and funny. But firstly, don’t be scared about it. This is a skill that needs time; try around and get better at it. Experience doesn’t come alone or quick, but the more you exercise the skill, the better you become. If you feel unsure about doing it in real life, start doing it while chatting with a person.

Flirting with compliments is another thing you can do. Combine this with the teasing, and you make the date funny, interesting, and thrilling for the person. Let’s say you greet your date in the beginning. You see the person styled themselves well, so here you have a chance to make a good first compliment. Look them in the eyes while greeting them (maybe through a hug) and tell them that they look “beautiful”, for girls, or “handsome”, for guys, “today.” The most important key here is to say it with confidence while holding eye contact. If you are not confident enough, that’s fully okay. Instead, pretend to be confident until you actually are.

A more advanced way of flirting is touch. It’s important to break the touch barrier if you want to continue things with your date. On the first date, a hug in the beginning and the end could still help a lot, and it is more easy. A first kiss can be done on the first date, but only if it feels right. If you don’t feel confident enough to do it on the first date, you could also say to yourself, “I only kiss after the second date.” That will make you less stressed and anxious on the first date, and you can actually enjoy it.

Before you kiss for the first time, you could also use small touches on the shoulder, arm, back, or hands. Do them gently and very softly in the beginning, to not let your date feel bad. If the person reacts well to it, you can continue doing them, and maybe longer and less soft. On the second or third date, when the mood becomes romantic and you feel its time for a kiss, try to play with her hair. If you date a guy. You can still gently touch his hair too or try to hold his hands. If they react well to it, look them in the eyes. How do they look at you? If you feel they would like it, try to go for a kiss.

These social dating skills are very important, and you should not go without them. Sure, there are more ones, but these are the basics for a date. Using these will make the date more thrilling and exciting for both of you. Try to not see them as tasks but as a part of an exciting date. Find the fun in dating, and you will be less anxious and more confident.

3. Open up physically too early

In today’s age, a new word has become popular: „Situationship.” It is a new form of relationship common in most of today’s youth. A situationship is defined as a romantic or sexual relationship that is undefined and noncommittal. It is in between a friendship and a committed romantic relationship. Not to be mixed up with a friendship with benefits, which is a non-romantic sexual relationship that can or cannot be committed but without the romantic feelings.

Most people while dating will open themselves sexually early, before feelings can develop. This means sexual intercourse happens for both of the partners to develop feelings. The sex doesn’t provide any extra benefits for the development of the relationship. In this stage of a relationship, both are unsure, or just one person is/is not sure about the future of the partnership. Situations may or may not end in something more serious; however, one thing is clear:

If the case is true and a situation turns into a more serious romantic one, this would also have happened if there was no sex involved. Every situation that turned into a relationship would also turn into a relationship if we removed the sex. It is not the sexual intimacy that makes two people love each other, but a mere romantic bond out of various factors. No one needs to indulge in sexual activities to just get into a relationship. Also a situationship that turned into a relationship, could end up being all about sex. This whould result in a toxic relationship, that is not formed on a strong romantic bond. Love and care for each other, respect and communication are always way more important then sex.

Let’s consider you meet a new partner and you are highly attracted to them but don’t know if you can develop feelings. You might have been without sex for a long time and can’t wait for it to happen. All the emotions and hormones just want you to do it; it feels right in your head, but is it? The biggest mistake is made here. If you wait for actual feelings to develop, you can still have sex with that person. It is no shame to wait. A person who truly likes you should also wait until you are ready. But if you follow your animalistic urges too soon, it could harm you long-term.

Then a lot of situations turn into nothing. No love and feelings will be formed and no relationship. Instead, both people leave each other, be only friends, or continue in a kind of long-term sexual commitment. After having several of these situations, they add up to your sexual past. For most people, this might not be seen as an issue, but it can result in several problems occurring in the future and present. Firstly, you don’t know these people deeply, like you know a person in a relationship. Their intentions could be different than what their words say. Some partners you date will most likely just want to use you for sex. Offering them sexual activities early on will not help you in finding a partner, as you will be used over and over.

Now I do not want to convince you to not do something you already intend to do. If you really want to do these activities, do them; it is your free will. However, keep in mind that bad side effects can occur through it. Because of the constant sexual use, you could develop feelings of being ashamed of yourself and your body. Also, other mental health issues could occur, like depression, loneliness, and an overall feeling of disgust. Keep in mind that outside of a relationship, your sexual activities will be a mere objectification of your body and soul. Instead of love and compassion, empathy, and kindness, you will be a mere object of the other person’s sexual desire. Although they do desire you sexually, you will always be replaceable, which ultimatively ends in nothing. Keep also in mind that other people, both female and male, can care about your body count. If you have a high bodycount, someone with a low bodycount is more unlikely to want to be your partner. This will lower your dating chances, especially if your dates care about a high body count.

Also, I want to point out a common behavior that is used by especially women in dating. You do not buy yourself into a relationship with sex. No guy would want to commit to you just because you give your body to them. And if you “dated” a high-value guy in the past that you only slept with, it doesn’t mean he would date you “romantically”. Most men would sleep with more women, then they could imagine her to be their wife. Sexual Disciplined men however won’t do this.If you are a very attractive girl, it is very likely you could “hookup” with a lot of very attractive, high-value men. But this doesn’t mean you could make a similar guy commit to a serious relationship.

Instead of opening up sexually early, keep yourself close with sexual activities before actual love and compassion develops. This way you don’t have sex with people that will not be your romantic partner, protecting your mind and body. Remember that your body is a temple that needs to be protected and closed off for wrong people, so it remains pure for the people that matter. It doesn’t matter what society tells you; retaining sexual intercourse as something intimate and special will only benefit your future relationship. Then there is nothing that makes you more vulnerable than having sex with a person. It is the most intimate ritual we humans know.