The 3 biggest dating mistakes you should avoid

Before beginning a relationship, you should always avoid certain mistakes that could hurt you and/or the relationship. These mistakes could determine whether a relationship will work or not. If you avoid these mistakes, dating will be much easier for you overall.

1. Being too obsessed with the other person

This is a common mistake, particularly among men. I have made this mistake numerous times in the past.

While dating, you may find a person extremely intriguing. Sometimes, this attraction isn’t even rational; it just happens. You may find yourself immersed in a romantic bubble, disregarding any mistakes they may make. This phenomenon can occur repeatedly with each person you date. Every time you date this person, your obsession with them intensifies until they leave you. Your relationship with each person you date will cause you constant pain. This could lead to an extremely painful dating experience for you.

In my early dating days, following my second breakup, I came across a girl through a dating app. Despite not knowing her well, I perceived us as the ideal couple. We had some things in common, but that’s it. After some texting, we went on a 2-hour walk in a park, the easiest but best first date. The cost was a mere 0€, a significant difference from the expensive restaurant date. During the date, we engaged in extensive conversation, which helped us form a strong bond. I was completely into her; I wanted more. But after the date, she went quiet. I texted her over and over. She only replied a few times with a bit of text, and in the end, she wanted to friendzone me. It was not her fault; we really did not fit together. However, my lonely heart yearned for a lovely girlfriend, believing that she would complete me. The entire experience was extremely painful. If you stop obsessing over others, you won’t deal with it again.

Obsession during dating can lead to numerous mistakes. You open up earlier than the other person; this will make their experience more stressful and annoying instead of lovely. In most cases, the other person will slowly drift away. Both individuals have an imbalanced energy; one emits a lot of warm energy, while the other responds with cold energy. However, for a serious relationship to develop, both parties must exhibit warm energy toward each other.  In addition, individuals often disregard their personal lives in favor of the person they are enamored with. This implies that their own life becomes increasingly centered around the other person, thereby making their own happiness reliant on them. But happiness should come from your own life, your hobbies, goals, and activities you do normally. A relationship is merely the beginning.

So instead of obsessing over the person, concentrate mainly on your hobbies, tasks, and goals. Give your date time to get to know them, but respect your own time. If that person is not replying, do not double text. Focus on your life until the person responds and answers, then you really have time. By doing this, you safeguard yourself from developing an obsession with other people.

2. Use your charisma skills.

Whether on a date or simply engaging in conversation with a potential future partner, individuals often make mistakes that, although not malicious, ultimately drive them away. It’s undeniable that we all have a fondness for individuals who exude charisma and have the ability to engage in meaningful conversation. On the other hand, we often encounter individuals who evoke different emotions in us, ones that are not conducive to a healthy and meaningful relationship. This could be boredom, annoyance, or other emotions that your date should not feel. These are minor adjustments you can make for your initial dates!

When conversing, whether on a date or online, avoid solely talking about yourself. Occasionally, we encounter individuals who are highly talkative, which can make the date feel exciting. However, as the date progressed, we found ourselves focusing solely on them. No one likes listening to people who always talk about themselves. This can come across as careless and egotistic, and others may perceive it as arrogance. Instead of talking about yourself, ask questions. Try to seem curious and interested in them; this is what most people like. Most likely, they will reciprocate, allowing you to briefly discuss yourself without going overboard.

In other ways, avoid treating them like friends. You want to be friendzoned? I am sure you don’t. It should be more than just a casual conversation about your mutual interests. While getting to know them may be important, it doesn’t provide the same thrill. Instead of just chatting like a friend, try to implement your romantic interest. Be kind and show you value them as a future partner. This means you should use techniques of flirting that will give the date a little extra. Complicates are a good way to do this, but alone it still won’t help. You need to flirt and tease. For myself, I prefer to use more teasing than flirting.

The trick is to have fun with them, not make fun of them. It is nothing you plan; it’s something you do spontaneously while talking. Let’s say the person told you something about themselves that lacks information or looks unclear; then you tease her/him about it in a way that’s obviously untrue and funny. First and foremost, don’t be afraid to challenge them. This is a skill that requires time and practice to improve. Experience takes time, but practicing a skill improves it. If you feel unsure about doing it in real life, start doing it while chatting with a person.

Flirting with compliments is another thing you can do. Combining this with teasing makes the date fun, interesting, and exciting. Let’s assume that you greet your date at the beginning of the date. You notice that the person has well-groomed themselves, which presents an opportunity for a successful first compliment. Look them in the eyes while greeting them (maybe through a hug) and tell them that they look “beautiful,” for girls, or “handsome,” for guys, “today.” The most important key here is to say it with confidence while holding eye contact. If you lack confidence, it’s perfectly acceptable. Instead, pretend to be confident until you actually are.

A more advanced way of flirting is touch. It’s important to break the touch barrier if you want to continue things with your date. On the first date, giving a hug at the beginning and end can still be very beneficial, and it’s also a more straightforward approach. You can initiate a kiss on the first date, but only if it resonates with you. If you don’t feel confident enough to do it on the first date, you could also say to yourself, “I only kiss after the second date.” That will reduce your first date stress and let you enjoy it.

Before you kiss for the first time, you could also use small touches on the shoulder, arm, back, or hands. Do it gently and very softly in the beginning to not let your date feel bad.  If the person responds positively, you can continue the activity, possibly for a longer duration and with less gentleness. On the second or third date, when the mood becomes romantic and you feel it’s time for a kiss, try to play with her hair. If you date a guy, you can still gently touch his hair too or try to hold his hands. If they react well to it, look them in the eyes. How do they look at you? If you feel they would like it, try to go for a kiss.

These social dating skills are very important, and you should not go without them. Sure, there are other dating skills, but these are the essentials for a successful date. Using these will make the date more thrilling and exciting for both of you. Try to see them as fun date activities rather than tasks. Find the fun in dating, and you will be less anxious and more confident.

3. Open up physically too early

In today’s age, a new word has become popular: “situationship.” It is a new form of relationship common in most of today’s youth. A situationship is defined as a romantic or sexual relationship that is undefined and noncommittal. It lies between a friendship and a committed romantic relationship. Don’t confuse it with a friendship with benefits, a non-romantic sexual relationship that has the potential for commitment but lacks the romantic emotions.

Most people, while dating, will open themselves sexually early, before feelings can develop. This implies that sexual activity occurs to facilitate the development of feelings in both partners. The sex doesn’t provide any extra benefits for the development of the relationship. In this stage of a relationship, both parties, or just one, are uncertain about the future of the partnership. Situations may either escalate or not, but one thing is certain:

If the case is true and a situation turns into a more serious romantic one, this would also have happened if there was no sex involved. Every situation that turned into a relationship would also turn into a relationship if we removed the sex. It is not sexual intimacy that creates love between two people, but rather a simple romantic bond based on various factors. No one needs to indulge in sexual activities to just get into a relationship. Also, a situation that turns into a relationship could end up being all about sex.  This would result in a toxic relationship that is not formed on a strong romantic bond. Love and care for each other, respect, and communication are always more important than sex.

Let’s imagine you meet a new partner and find yourself highly attracted to them, but you’re unsure if you can develop feelings for them. You may have been devoid of sexual activity for a considerable amount of time and are eagerly anticipating the possibility of experiencing it again. All your emotions and hormones are urging you to do it; it feels right in your mind, but is it really the right decision? The biggest mistake is made here. If you wait for actual feelings to develop, you can still have sex with that person. It is no shame to wait. A person who truly likes you should also wait until you are ready. But if you follow your animalistic urges too soon, it could harm you long-term.

Then a lot of situations turn into nothing. There will be no formation of love, feelings, or relationship. Instead, both parties either leave each other, remain friends, or continue in some form of long-term sexual commitment. Having several such situations adds up to your sexual past. For most people, this may not be a problem, but it can cause future and present issues. Firstly, you don’t know these people deeply, like you know a person in a relationship. Their intentions may differ from what they express verbally. Some partners you date will most likely just want to use you for sex. Offering them sexual activities early on will not help you find a partner, as they will use you repeatedly.

I don’t want to persuade you to change your mind about something you already intend to do. Feel free to do these things if you want to. However, remember that engaging in these activities can lead to negative side effects. Because of the constant sexual use, you could develop feelings of being ashamed of yourself and your body. Also, other mental health issues could occur, like depression, loneliness, and an overall feeling of disgust. Keep in mind that outside of a relationship, your sexual activities will be a mere objectification of your body and soul. Instead of love and compassion, empathy, and kindness, you will be a mere object of the other person’s sexual desire. Despite their sexual desire for you, you will always be viewed as interchangeable, which ultimately leads to nothing. Keep also in mind that other people, both female and male, can care about your body count. If you have a high body count, someone with a low body count is less likely to want to be your partner. This will lower your dating chances, especially if your dates care about a high body count.

Additionally, I aim to highlight a prevalent practice, particularly among women, in the dating realm. You do not buy yourself into a relationship with sex. No guy would want to commit to you just because you give your body to them. And if you “dated” a high-value guy in the past that you only slept with, it doesn’t mean he would date you “romantically.” Most men would sleep with more women than they could imagine to be their wife. Sexually disciplined men, however, won’t do this. If you are a very attractive girl, it’s likely that you will have the opportunity to “hook up” with many attractive, high-value men. However, this does not imply that you can convince a similar-looking man to commit to a serious relationship.

Instead of opening up sexually early, keep yourself close with sexual activities before actual love and compassion develop. This approach ensures that you avoid engaging in sexual activities with individuals who are not your romantic partner, thereby safeguarding your mental and physical health. Keep in mind that your body serves as a temple that requires protection and closure from unworthy individuals, ensuring its purity for those who truly matter. It doesn’t matter what society tells you; retaining sexual intercourse as something intimate and special will only benefit your future relationship. Then there is nothing that makes you more vulnerable than having sex with a person. It is the most intimate ritual we humans know.